All I know about being loved

This is what I have learned about being loved: nothing.

This is what I have to say about finding happiness: nothing.

 But I have known what it feels to love: it is not squinting when pain suddenly wants to give you a hug. Some days the skies are too dark and it’s difficult to go outside knowing that you don’t have bits of sunshine in your pocket. But you choose  to make something from nothing, and that’s how you get through the day.

People are a bit complicated. The only thing that makes it okay, sometimes, is to reach out your right hand in the dark and hope that there will be someone’s hand to squeeze. But then again, nothing like that ever happens in real life. So, your left hand reaches out instead just to make you feel not alone.

It’s not just their hello, how are you?  Or never just about your reply: it’s what they mean. Somebody’s got your back, and somehow, turned a blind eye to your─possibly─worst self. Yet it feels good to know that you did your part.

 It feels like being happy.

So, I’d like to give my opinion about finding happiness: nothing. But I have learned to feel fulfilled once in a while: it is trying  to not look at the past and believing that the future will be kinder. Taking it one day at a time while making a little time to write a ‘beautiful’ prose.

Because some days, you don’t get to feel happy even if you choose  to. Because life can be just like what it is: difficult. Because nobody will ever want to dive deep and try to know you. Because no one will ever understand you fully.

But it’s okay.

Because I must have been in a hurry when I told you that I don’t know anything about being loved. Knowing that I can be unlovable too,  with all the darkness I didn’t try to shove, it feels good to know that I’m still here. It feels good to know how Someone first loved me and saved me. Sitting here right now, with a  hot coffee on the table, I know a page is not enough to tell you how it feels like to be fully loved.


*This work is inspired by All I Know About Love