Soaked

On the table, there's a coffee. In it is a soaked bread and an escaping awakeness. The longer it stays inside the cup of cofee, the more it expands. Actually, it will continue to expand to the point that the bread's orignial form would hardly be recognizable.

Just after seeing that made me decide to abandon my schedule. I  tweaked some activities and soaked myself into playing an online game while re-listening to the old podcast 'playlist' I've kept for years. 

It is rare that I come up making snap decisions like that when I already had plans. The harder part, however, is to not feel guilty therafter (which I also managed, by the way).

The adrift feeling I felt upon waking up waned along the way. I don't say that it is the best way to escape the meaninglessness we feel everytime the year is about to end. I just noticed that I haven't soaked myself in a serious work after I finished my undergraduate thesis. It seems that formulating the first sociological model of job satisfaction was the most engaging thing I have been this year. 

This need for significance should work for my part sooner. Who knows, I could write my first book next year. My friends think that I could. The only thing that holds me back is, why. Why should I? Unless I could find a reason larger than the mere desire of being called a published writer, I would not.There are so many badly written books out there, I don't want to add another to that pile. Also, I believe this is something that's done with a consort of courage and unwavering persistence. 

The last time I get rejected by someone, I made up for it by rejecting the next person who was brave enough to say that she wanted to be part of my life. It wasn't my nature, but it is what I thought best. 

Before I forget and say something unnecessary, this is the takeaway: in times that you are not yourself, you need to practice and be better at thinking out loud. Maybe, this is just the side effect of playing too much online games, which is the bad side of getting engaged at the unnecessarily helpful things.